Best 20 bucks I ever spent

I love the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas when everyone decorates their homes for the holidays. There are people at both ends of the spectrum, you have the folks who are up on ladders stringing lights on the roof or out picking up a Christmas tree before the Thanksgiving turkey is even in the oven. And then you have the folks who are hanging the lights on their front porch on the down low in the dark on Christmas eve because they were the only house in the neighborhood without lights up (been there - done that).

During this period I especially I love the drive home with my son once I have scooped him up from the afterschool program. Since its dark earlier now we get to admire and comment on the lights in the neighborhoods between school and home. There’s even a 25 foot tall electric menorah outside the supermarket we pass, right next to their 50 foot Christmas tree. For eight days, we get to do a little math when I ask him how many candle holders there are in the menorah and how many of the candles are lit or are remaining to light.

I think the best part of this time has always been pulling up to our home and seeing our own twinkling lights greeting us. But this year we are playing it low key, there are no lights on the porch (Ok, “low key” really means, I haven’t poked my husband enough to get him out there to put the lights up - so we might just go without…). So my need to have twinkling lights on display must be met by the 3 foot fiber optic mini tree which blazes multicolored in our little bay window. The problem is, if no one has been home before dark – no one turns on the tree in the window. And once you are in the house, getting to the switch to turn on the tree is a struggle – you have to climb/lean over the big-ass sectional couch, hang there in a very unflattering position, and reach to the floor, while fending off the dust bunnies to hit the power strip.

Until a few weeks ago, (queue angelic singing here) I was in Bed Bath & Beyond and was actually looking for a light timer to plug the tree into – my quest to have twinkling lights greeting us when we got home would not be thwarted! And instead, I found a wireless remote system. What wonderful magic was this? You plug the tree into a receiver that is plugged into an outlet - and from anywhere in the room you hit a button on the remote and the tree is on! Happy-Happy Joy-Joy!

This was the best 20 bucks I ever spent on a gadget. Now it’s so easy, even my husband will turn on the tree if he gets home before me. And the system came with more than one receiver – so now I also don’t have to climb under the Christmas tree in the living room, and fend off needles in the face to turn it on too!! (oh!!... Now I just have to try using the remote from the car as I am pulling in the driveway!!)

email to my seetor

My first thought is always a selfish one, "Why does she do this to me?" My second thought is always along the lines of, "She has been through so much and has some how managed to not slit her wrists!" (Thats actually my version of a wierd compliment...)

These thoughts always happen when my sister sends her almost anniversarial annual link to a new blog or webpage that talks about events in her life starting with soft sweet memories and cute imagery that eventually turn into graphic descriptions of the separate but equally tragic deaths of her infant children... and then she moves onto talk about the ironic twist when she gets diagnosed with cancer... but she somehow mostly always manages to end these writings on a "happy" note... (if you want to share in this and see what I mean, here's the link (http://skwerally.livejournal.com/)

So this year when she sent me the link to her newest page - which I should not have read while at work at my new job, I called her (after I went and hid in the ladies room so I could have my good annual cry on her/my behalf... ) and we talked about her page and how she couldn't find other webpages with parents writings about the loss of children... and all of a sudden, a very unsubtle buzzer was being set off in my head. Since I was at work I told her I couldnt talk any more but had to send her an email in which I told her I had been getting "messages" to contact her ...

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Seestor,
so why would your sister know about a website called "hello from heaven"? I am convinced "someone" very recently (starting strongly last week) has been trying to tell me something... and its either Dad or cousin Mike or I am leaning towards thinking it might even be CJ or Dylan... because there has been alot of push to think about you too. I am convinced they got me to watch John Edwards show... and he mentioned the book his friend wrote "hello from heaven" about after death communications.

I think I can kinda hear someone trying to tell me something but I am blocking or something - and I HAVE been told previously by a psychic medium that I am Clairaudient (the ability to psychic hear clearly) but that I needed to develop the "skill." So, that all said... alot of these webpages/sites I have found while being "nudged" to do so have links to bereaved parent posted poems and writings... links below - and now that I have told you this, maybe the "nudging" will stop for a while but if not - I'll be sure to let you know... maybe I am getting the hints wrong... luv ya, S.

The website that I originally found many of these links from is really at this address http://www.after-death.com/

heres another good one http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/ http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/AP_Mothers.htm Bereaved "Parents of the USA (BP/USA) is a national non-profit self-help group that offers support, understanding, compassion and hope to bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings struggling to rebuild their lives after the death of their children, grandchildren or siblings."

another appears to be http://www.alivealone.org/ "Alive Alone is an organization for the education and charitable purposes to benefit bereaved parents, whose only child or all children are deceased, by providing a self-help network and publications to promote communication and healing, to assist in resolving their grief, and a means to reinvest their lives for a positive future."

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Second email to my Seestor:
big nudging? (either that, or my sinuses are acting up!) DOH! tell me what you thought about the pages and if they meant anything to you... smooches, S.
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FYI after that last email was sent, I think the "nudging" had stopped. But once my sinus infection completely clears up I will know for sure. LOL

flip-flop *toe* pop-top

To my dog loving co-workers (and you other guys that I am just trying to gross out...), Here's your Monday morning laugh (or "ewww!")

Last night as I was pushing baby boy in his stroller through the park while also walking our dog, the dog and I were showing baby boy how to play "splash the puddle" - which she and I have been playing since she was a puppy. The objective is for the human to stomp in a puddle and for the dog to snap at and catch the splashing water... Well, it appears that as she is now an older puppy girl (she's 8yrs +), perhaps her aim is slightly off - and during one round of "splash" instead of snapping and catching the splashing water, she "accidentally" made contact with my flip-flop wearing foot... Needless to say (but I will, just for the shock value...) one of my toes is now completely minus a toe nail!!!

And as I hobbled home bleeding, pushing stroller and dragging dog (who knew something bad had happened but wasn't sure exactly what...), baby boy pointed down at the ground with a giggle and even through the throbbing haze of shock I was starting to feel, he made me proud when he demonstrated the newest combination of words in his growing vocabulary - "more puddle!" To which I had to painfully and apologetically reply, "Uh... sorry baby boy, mommy thinks that game is over!"

1962 - planning = 43

tick tick tick - well its here. my 43rd year... am i where i expected to be? honestly dont know if i ever thought to plan it out in advance. I guess my unspoken and even subconscious motto has always been - "let life take you where it will... "

what's that old saying, "its the journey - not the destination thats important..." or something like that. i try to feel proud/justified that i subscribe to that... BUT often i feel like i've been lazy and shouldnt have just let life "happen"... and that i should have been planning better.

related note: Probably one of the few things i have seriously thought long and hard about and "formally planned" was getting pregnant with Baby Boy... i am VERY happy with how that turned out... yes, a miscarriage first - and i often wonder was that because I was approaching 40 and that I HAD waited too long? AND THIS WAS THE RESULT OF BAD PLANNING? as there had been a plan involved - I had planned for many years NOT to be pregnant until I/we were "ready..." Or was it just not the right time for Baby Girl? makes me sad to think about that... BUT then I think of Baby Boy's smiling face and giggle/scream when he sees an airplane or red van... and tell myself, "it all worked out so far..."

and now - PLANS - what do i do when they dont need me here at MSHell anymore... they have all their new or thankfully rehired formerly laid-off TV elves over at the new NYC site. And I dont know if I could/would do the commute to NYC happily long term if they did have/make a spot for me... So my PLAN right now is to ride this out and take and try to enjoy some of my severance... my closets need cleaning, baby boy's clothes and toys need outgrown and unused weeding, my garage needs junk thrown out... So i hope i can take a month or two before i have to really think about where my next official paycheck will be coming from again - but when i stop and look at it - i guess i am planning - because I have been telling any and every user who listens that its time for a career change... and that, "my dignity and my behind are getting too large to allow me to continue to crawl around under desks..." So I am planning - at least to stop doing that - to stop fighting with the dustbunnies and cobwebs and start wearing skirts again and business attire - so theres at least a scrap of a plan - Human Resources or Technology Training - they sound like potential career paths i would enjoy.... so OK - I guess I do plan when I HAVE to...

And now I must plan to hit 44 (wow!) next year wearing a skirt to work that is not a size 14!

email from my seestor

My mother - much like me - (the nut doesn't fall far from the tree right?) is experiencing some slight hearing issues right now... And while I feel that I often "hear" something that was actually more interesting than what was really said and I then find it amusing when I realize that I have once again misheard and reinterpreted something - My mother, on the other hand, is experiencing some justifiable frustration with this "problem" especially when she talks to my sister over the phone... (see email below from sis)

"...Hola seestor!
I was reading your blog [ostameaners post] and it reminded me of a phone conversation I had with our mom a few days ago. She called me up to ask me what I was watching on TV.
I said "Wife swap".
She said "I slop?" and for some reason I got the giggles,
I said "no... wife swap".
She said "I sleep?" I was trying very hard not to laugh, but I couldn't help it.
I said "NO!...WIFE SWAP!"
She started to sound frustrated...and said "WHAT? I SLEEP?"
OK.. By now I can't stop laughing... (I was actually lying in bed and had to get up to catch my breath and do the dance of many pigs, because I thought I was going to pee on myself from laughing so hard.)
I could hear her mumbling on the phone "I don't know what your saying"...which was making me laugh even more.
Finally I was able to compose myself to spell it out to her and she finally said "OH...WIFE SWAP!".

MAN! Today she called me and asked me "what are you watching?" I said "Pimp my ride" She said "I'm not even going there..."

(Thought you could use a laugh.)
Shirl..."

i need to start wearing a helmet!

I banged my head AGAIN. this time it was as I was getting back into my jeep. i had parked next to a hardened snow drift. And I had to step on it as I was opening the car door - and the snow shifted under my feet and I whacked myself in the FOREHEAD with the edge of the door!!! OW!!!

When I got back to work I got a bag of ice from the commisary and put it to my forehead - and then of course, everyone who sees you as are trying to slink back to your office without anyone noticing says, "Whats wrong?" and "what happened" and "let me see it" and "oh - thats not so bad..."

I wanted to respond: "would you ...
1.) let me be a baby and whine (cus IT HURTS) and not tell me "oh - thats not so bad..."
2.) leave me alone...
3.) let me get back to my office and close the freakin door so I can hide!

so it usually takes a few days for my bruises to show up - I'm just hoping I dont wind up now with a big purple mark in the middle of my forehead. But at least I had let my bangs grow out so they will cover... sigh.

don't let the ostameaners get you!!!

my mom recently had a major surgery - and as my sister was trying to explain to me via long distance phone call about the health care people that were assisting with mom's recovery... she kept talking about "The Ostameaners" and how (in my interpretation of the conversation and related to the name she was calling them) they would barge into the hospital room and unfeelingly do stuff to my weakened and defenseless mom related to checking on her surgery... now, as an adult I was able to fight off the bad imagery of my poor mommy laying prone in a hospital bed being poked and prodded and verbally abused by some insensitive hospital staff evil-doers (...they must be evil if they are called "meaners" right?) but the child in me couldn't hold it in and after hearing her say "The Ostameaners did this..." or "The Ostameaners said that..." about ten times, I finally had to yell at my sister over the phone - "OK ... hold on, what the *F* is an Ostameaner?!?!" to which she replied (after she laughed her ass off at me), "oh... Colostomy Nurse."

I'm workin' on it! (but not while I'm @work - I swear!)

new posts coming - I swear!!!! I am trying to update my blog templates throughout the day today and add links that reflect my varied interests as a mom/geekess and Martha "watcher" (that last bit is not because I want to, but because I have to... ya know, employment stability and all...)

Code Talkers

"Code Talkers"... don't know why I was thinking about this topic so much lately... But as I was walking the dog one day and pondering what gentle wording to use during a "reestablishing baby care guidelines..." talk with my Mother-in-Law (more on that topic another time) - I actually used the words "my MIL" in my head when thinking of her (not to be confused with her name, that coincidentally starts with the same 3 letters...).

anywayz - being a tech geekess I thought my work world in general was filled with enough codes or acronyms: WYSIWYG, GUI, TCP/IP, lan, ram, rom, smtp... and LOL, IMHO in the chat rooms... and so on. Then one day we "decided" to have a baby and as I always enjoy doing web research my current topics of interest, I started to explore conception and baby related chat rooms and bulletin boards. I was overwhelmed by the "code talkers" I found there... And of course as a "newbie" you want to play along properly but also don't want to get flamed by the regulars for asking simple or stupid "uh, what's that?" questions. So I had to jump in and learn the lingo by the seat of my pants or on the fly (which was also much like my experiences as a Jr geek wanna-bee learning about computers and technology).

here's a rough example of the baby related code talking:
so when DH and I were TTC I started charting my BBT and using OPKs. Sometimes if the combination of methods showed I was near OV, I would go home on lunch hour so we could BD. Eventually I got the timing right (or we got lucky) and I was PG with DS... but now since DH and I both need to WOTH, and I want to BF for as long as possible, I have to EBM during the day and then DS RC BFs. And since I can't be a SAHM like I wanted, thankfully my MIL is my daycare person!

the ants go marching one by one...

so when you have a baby - do you let the ants that are invading your bathroom live - or do you spray the heck out of them? And then deal with the deadly bug spray fumes? or do you just keep crushing them one by one...? and I think I say "sorry" almost every time...

I often wondered before baby - whenever I would see a parent either casually blow the dust off a dropped toy or paci (experienced parent) - or run to thoroughly wash it off (new or first time parent) - what kind of parent would i be when it came to cleaning baby items.
So as the new parent i am, i second and third guess everything like that these days. is there residue on my baby's plates and spoons from the dishwasher? do the baby bottles have too much dishwashing detergent smell? did the dog lick her butt and then his foot/face/hand...? what is he touching now? is it "clean" and what are my acceptable levels of clean these days? If he drops something how extensively do i clean it... I've never been a "clean freak" but now that he has already had thrush... I wonder could I/we have prevented it by making sure every single thing he touches all day long was sanitized. and what about doorknobs in public or at work...? or the keyboards of other peeps I have to handle all day long at work... oh! If we get sick ONE MORE time anytime soon... it's enough to make your head spin... (or stuffy)

what's a blog?

afraid and leary about this new adventure... what am i getting myself into now? will i regret this later? a medium for practicing my creative writing and perhaps a substitute for my dusty journal (and when did i last make an entry in my journal? years years years).

ok here we go... slowly stepping up to the edge of the brink... dont lean over too far... dont look down... deep breath... bend your legs at the knee... open your arms wide... spring up into the air... FLY!